


It's a Date!

by orphan_account



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Closeted Character, First Date, Gayhem, Humor, M/M, Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-11
Updated: 2007-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-15 05:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a challenge! It's a date! It's more than Eiji and Oishi could have possibly anticipated! Oh, and Mukahi's a bastard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Date!

"Regulars, assemble!"

It was late, the air was brisk, practice was every bit as tiring as Eiji didn't want it to be, and he had holiday shopping to worry about soon. That was, if the grandiose amount of fast food Momoshiro consumed daily didn't render him bankrupt first. In all honesty, he just wanted to go home and flop down into bed, ignoring all that made his life no fun at the moment.

Alas, Tezuka kept the regulars behind late. He figured they'd be assigned a new training schedule to prepare them for the season, and that he'd have to wake up two hours earlier to work on conquering his lack of stamina (which he worked hard to improve well enough on his own, thanks) but that wasn't the case. Inui wasn't in on whatever it was the captain had to discuss with them, meaning whatever this was, it would be interesting. Or maybe Tezuka was going to shock them all by cracking a joke. Pfft, as if.

"Do you know what this is all about?" Eiji whispered to Oishi, as the rest of the team circled around the captain.

"Beats me. But I'm sure Tezuka wouldn't keep us behind so late if it weren't important." But of course he'd think that, because in Oishi's perfect little world, everything Tezuka did was right. Eiji, on the other hand, felt dubious.

"All right, everyone, listen up!" Tezuka boomed, once Echizen filled the final gap of the team's semicircle. "I've assembled you all here to announce something very important. Momoshiro-"

"Yes, buchou!?"

"Quit whispering to Echizen or run thirty laps."

"Right."

Tezuka cleared his throat and began again. "As you all know, Seigaku will be holding its Seventh Annual Winter Ball next week. I assume most of you will be attending."

Nobody said anything to confirm or deny this, and all was silent for a few awkward moments, until Fuji spoke up, "It sounds interesting. I'll be attending."

"And the rest of you?"

Now, without hesitation, everyone nodded, not knowing what else to do. Eiji wanted so badly to point and laugh at Kaidoh and Echizen, since they'd soon be clad in monkey suits and scaring poor little girls away with their lack of social skills. Perhaps Tezuka had a sense of humor after all.

"Other schools will be holding similar functions."

"What does that have to do with us, Tezuka?" asked Oishi. No, he wasn't questioning the relevance this had on their club, not even for a second. He was just curious.

Tezuka pulled a neatly trimmed mauve envelop out of his pocket, which contained a card that had a photo of Atobe Keigo printed on it. 

"Looks like a love letter from the Monkey King," said Echizen, ignoring the threat of laps in his buchou's eyes entirely. It'd seem less obvious if the shirt Atobe wore on the card wasn't only buttoned to just above the navel, not that he had anything to show. And really, the rose between his lips wasn't necessary.

"May I see that?" asked Oishi, skimming through the card once placed into his hand. It wasn't long until Eiji crept over his shoulder to take a gander at Atobe's alleged 'love letter.' He grinned and snatched the letter from Oishi's hands once a few impatient whispers began to manifest.

Eiji read, "A-he-hem- 'Tezuka, You and your team should be honored to know that you all have been cordially invited to attend a small gathering at my lodge Saturday evening. Directions are printed on the back. Bring as much company as you'd like. -Atobe' Wait, this Saturday?"

"Aa," Tezuka responded, taking the notice from Eiji and slipping it carefully back into its envelope. 

"A practice ball, is it?" said Fuji, which took everybody aback. 

"Nya, Fujiko. He didn't say anything about that. He just says its a small gathering."

Inui pushed his glasses up and flipped through his notebook, planting his finger on what Eiji guessed was the Atobe page. "According to my data, a small gathering of Atobe Keigo's would result in no less than three hundred guests, thus we must assume that some festivities will be taking place."

"The Monkey King likes to show off," said Echizen, his tone blunt with a hint of amusement. 

"He says he wants us to bring company-" Momo started, tapping his index finger against his chin. "-does that mean he wants us to bring dates? Like, girls?"

"He said we could. He didn't say we had to, idiot," Kaidoh grumbled. And, of course, Kaidoh's grumbles never went unheard. The sophomores argued at the top of their lungs until Tezuka assigned them laps. It was about then that the rest of the team went to the club room, got dressed in their school clothes, and started heading their separate ways.

Oishi was about halfway down the street by the time Eiji caught up with him. Cold puffs of air dissolved into Eiji's bangs, and each intake hurt his lungs more and more. It really was too cold.

"Hey, Oishi," said Eiji. Once he gathered his bearings, the two boys crossed the street and walked together, each step being set naturally in sync, just as Eiji liked it. The words to say didn't quite gather right away, so it was up to Oishi to take a jab at what was on his mind.

"So, Eiji, what do you think of Atobe's party?"

"I think-" Eiji scratched at the fringe of his bangs, and his brows curled into a pensive wrinkle. "-I think it sounds interesting, don't you?"

"Yeah." He chuckles. "It is Atobe. Something interesting's bound to happen."

"Something interesting, huh?" The two of them paused at the corner, and mischief was suddenly scribbled all over Eiji's face. "Like Momo'll bring that cute girl from Fudomine with him. A glass of Inui juice says he will, hehe."

"Forget it," said Oishi. He tried not to laugh as he said it. "Last time we made a bet, I had to carry you to the infirmary on my shoulder when you lost. Remember? You wouldn't speak to me for a week after that."

"Because it was embarrassing. I could still walk!" 

"Not through poles, you couldn't."

"Oh, shut up."

The two shared a laugh that lasted up until they reached the pass that would part them. Neither of them moved from that spot when the cross signal blinked. They stared fondly at the evening sky, strewn with stars and a small strip of gold where the sun sank. Then Eiji turned to look at his partner, and he clapped his hand on Oishi's shoulder.

"I just had the best idea ever!" Eiji's eyes sparkled with a genuine exuberance that was so uniquely Eiji, and it tugged at Oishi's heart to see it every time.

"What's that?" 

"You should be my date tomorrow, for Atobe's party!"

"Eh?!"

"Think about it," Eiji started, slinging his arm around Oishi's shoulders. He acted like he deserved a prize for this suggestion. "Neither of us really have time to find real dates anyway, and since this is just a practice thing, you could be like my practice date, right?"

"Didn't you say yourself that the invitation didn't mention anything about the winter ball?" Oishi tried to mask the apprehension in his voice, he truly did, and he didn't know why. The fact that his heart-rate had suddenly increased a couple of beats didn't explain anything, though it felt like it should have.

"Yeah, but if Tezuka felt the need to mention it and force us all to go, what else could this party be about?" 

He had a point. 

"I... " Oishi sighed, and his face dropped into a soft smile. The smile that always said, 'Okay, Eiji, you win' and the acrobatic player's expression didn't fluctuate a bit. With determination like that, there was no way Oishi could say no. "All right, let's do it!"

"Yay, yay, yay!" Eiji pumped his fist in the air and waved it about, as if he'd just won the lottery. Luckily, there was no one around to scrutinize this display, so Oishi didn't have it in him to be embarrassed. "I've got a date-o!"

"Does this mean I have to buy you a corsage?" It wasn't often that Oishi displayed his sense of humor, but since the whole idea was crazy, he decided to play right into it.

"Do that and I'll kill you," said Eiji. "Do I look like the girl in this relationship?"

"Do I?"

The two boys glared at each other momentarily. A challenge, was it?

"I guess we'll have to find out tomorrow evening, then."

"I guess so."

"Fine."

"Fine, then."

"It's a challenge!"

"It's a date!"

The two boys high-fived and went their separate ways, each contemplating how they were going to pull this off without being too weird about it. Not that they had to, or anything. Everything worked out for the Golden Pair in the end. 

\-----

Of course, Eiji's ingenious plan didn't start to sink in until later, once his nose was buried in the crook of his history text book. 

The topic of feudal lords and epic battles could only hold his attention for so long once his eyes happened to glimpse upon a picture of Oishi that rested on his desk. The idea to use Oishi as a pseudo date kind of hit him as they were just standing there, gazing at the sky while teasing about Momo. And really, as if Eiji were about to let his kouhai one up him by inviting that adorable Fudomine girl along while he had no one. There weren't any girls he liked in particular at the moment, so Oishi was the next best thing. Friends could totally go on dates.

Couldn't they?

Eiji groaned, and sank his face deeper into his text book. Suddenly the best idea ever had become embarrassing, causing him to curse his stupid impulses. On the bright side, Oishi seemed to agree, so there really was nothing to be embarrassed about. It was silly, pointless, would probably cause a few laughs and nothing more. 

Thing was, Eiji didn't know if he should be okay with that. It was kind of a laughing matter. Two boys on a date. Yeah. Funny. But he wasn't laughing when he felt like he should be, and his history homework still wasn't finished.

Eiji slammed his book shut and groaned, dropping himself hard enough into his chair that he almost fell backwards. That would've been quite a sight to behold. Good thing no one was there to see it.

Or so he thought, until a burst of chuckles sprang from the doorway. Of all the times his jerk brother should come in to annoy him, this wasn't one of them, especially now that Eiji was old enough to beat him up. 

Eiji turned toward Hikaru with a scowl planted on his face.

"Go away. This isn't your room anymore, remember?"

Because once the two brothers fought frequently, and quite audibly, the Kikumaru parents took heed to Hikaru's request to move into the basement and sleep down there, granted he cleaned it up all by himself. Desperate times called for Desperate measures and all. Eiji was more than happy to give Daigorou the top bunk while he claimed the bottom. He was too old to be up there anymore anyway.

"Oyaji brought eel home for dinner and told me to come get you. You telling me you're not having any 'cause I'll happily eat your share."

"No you won't!" Eiji practically growled. Then he slouched over, his bent elbows leaning against his thighs. "Just give me minute."

Hikaru rose an inquisitive brow, noting the pensive crease in his brother's forehead and aimless gaze. Combine that with his distant tone and there was no mistaking the look in Eiji's eyes for anything but girl troubles. Hikaru didn't know whether to tease Eiji or show sympathy, maybe even wanting to flip a coin on that one.

Eiji slapped his cheeks and bounced upward, claiming to have recharged as he sprinted down the stairs. Hikaru was almost willing to bet his iPod that his brother would stuff his face with rice and eel until he hurled. The situation was much more dire than he thought. This called for drastic measures.

\-----

"Hey, no fair! Backing me into a corner like this is cheating!"

"You used to do it to me all the time," and with one final scream the warrior fell, and game was over. "Give it up, Eiji."

Eiji was pissed. He felt like smashing his game controller into the floor, but knew the replacement would come right out of his wallet, which he couldn't afford to empty out right now. Maybe he'd smash Hikaru's face into the floor instead. 

"I told you there's nothing on my mind!"

Hikaru pulled his pinky out of his ear and 'hmm'd?' to which Eiji growled and pouted. This was why he hated Hikaru. He always thought he was entitled to getting his way and didn't know how to mind his damned business. 

"So tell me what's on your mind," said Hikaru, in a voice so aloof it almost sounded like he was simply asking for the time. In some ways, he could even be worse than Fuji and Inui combined.

"I hate you," and as always, Eiji's jab was as in vain as trying to resist walking into the pet shop each time he passed by it. And after all, it could be worse. Tatsuki, his eldest sister, could always come in and interrogate him with Hikaru, and had been known to do that. It didn't take rocket science to figure out where Hikaru attained his interrogative nature from. His eyes threatened to do just that, to bring her into this, and Eiji couldn't win against two. They'd start calling his friends, and Oishi would eventually figure out that Eiji's confidence in their little plan was faltering. Things between them might become awkward and stupid, and he couldn't have that.

Eiji resigned, wracking his brain for how he was going to explain himself as he took a deep breath. 

Then it hit him. Perfect.

"My friend Momo, you remember Momo-chin, right?"

Hikaru nodded.

"Let's just say, he likes this girl named Tachibana-chan but doesn't even know it. But he's going to go on a date with her--not a real one--or so he thinks-"

Bullshit, thinks Hikaru. It's basically the typical "I have this friend who likes so and so-" speech. Eiji sure knew how to look like an idiot when he tried to lie.

But it was all he needed to confirm his theory. Eiji liked some girl, and tomorrow he'd be going on a date with said girl. He probably didn't know how to handle himself, being that this was his first official date, to Hikaru's knowledge. The road of women was a rough one to trek, so Hikaru silently vowed to be there for his brother every step of the way. 

\-----

"Good evening, Hikaru-san."

"Oishi?"

With practiced ease, Oishi let himself into the Kikumaru household. He had on an excellent tailored black suit and a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and Hikaru could swear this boy was trembling a bit in the knees, despite the pleasant smile on his face. Weird. Perhaps Oishi had a date, too, and asked Eiji to accompany him. Double dates? Well, seeing as they're apparently the Golden Pair, of course they'd date girls together. They'd probably propose simultaneously, share an altar, and have sex in the same honey moon suit for that manner!

Okay, scrubbing last mental image out of brain NOW.

As Hikaru tried to drill unpleasant thoughts from his mind, Oishi took a seat on the couch, his eyes pensive and soft. It wasn't really like him to zone out into his own little world like that, so Hikaru's curiosity was getting the better of him. Damn, this lady must be keeper. Eiji may even get jealous. 

"So, got a big date tonight, eh?"

"Oh, I guess Eiji told you," said Oishi, cracking an amused grin that trembled just the slightest bit. Hikaru never missed a detail, not when he wanted some answers. The younger boy stared fondly at the stairwell just outside of the living room. Judging by where Oishi's gaze was pointed and how large that bouquet was, there wasn't a single doubt in Hikaru's mind that Oishi's date was underneath this roof right now.

But he didn't invite any girls in earlier, and weren't Tatsuki and Rika just a little too old for Oishi? Not to mention one of them already had a boyfriend, though Hikaru'd forgotten which one. His sisters having love lives was so last year. His youngest brother was far more interesting. In fact, even Oishi, who was like a younger brother, was, too. Oh, when those two hellcats tore their hearts to shreds he'd... he'd... take them out for sushi, or something. And they'd discuss something not pertaining to women. Yes. Even if Eiji was the biggest pain in the ass that ever sucked air, Hikaru would never let a girl leave his little brother's heart wounded. 

Speaking of which, Eiji appeared in the doorway, a look on his face that'd lead one to believe that something crawled up his butt and died. Maybe his date called and canceled. Oh, he knew it. Girls were much more trouble than they were worth. Good thing today was payday. He had plenty of money to treat them to sushi, and maybe a movie. Guy's night out. 

Or maybe Oishi had a head full of flowers once Eiji plucked them out of his hand and bopped him on the head with them. Wait, huh? That was weird. Then Eiji smiled a most wicked smile, and offered his arm to Oishi. Now it was crazy.

"Let's go, Syuuko-chan."

Had Hikaru just actively misinterpreted this entire night, or was Eiji just messing with him? His little brother could be a jerk like that.

"Those flowers weren't cheap, Eiji."

"Your attempt to make a girl out of me sure was. Do you honestly think I'm going to lose to you?"

"We're just going to have to wait and see, won't we?"

Oishi took the arm Eiji offered, and the two of them, girl-less, bantered on their way out the door. Hikaru didn't know what to make of that display at all. Was Oishi's date not under this roof after all? What about Eiji's? What was the deal with the flowers? Why did they walk out arm-in-arm like that? It was as if they were each other's date, or som...

Oh.

Oooooh.

Well, that made perfect sense, and then again, WHAT? It took Hikaru completely by surprise. Stop. Rewind. Oishi. Flowers. Monkey Suit. Glowy eyes. No girls. Eiji. No Flowers. Arms. Huh? 

"I totally didn't see that coming."

Now there posed a question. Did Hikaru try to tail the duo and see exactly what this was all about? Or did he stay here to contemplate the possibilities, and maybe even discuss them with Tatsuki, who was far better at interpreting this sort of thing than he? Both options were tempting. 

Now, where could he find a coin...

\-----

Eiji had a lot to accomplish this evening. First and foremost, to prove to Oishi that he was the manlier of the two. Second, explaining to his family that, no, he wasn't gay, and that Hikaru was full of bullshit. That wasn't something any of them would readily deny, not since the window incident. He'd almost gotten away with it, too, but he wasn't as smart as he thought he was. 

"Did I overdo it back there?" Oishi asked. He didn't have to look so serious, especially when it came to trivial things like this. It made Eiji feel bad for, well, existing. And it really wasn't that big a deal. Sure, having a boy you're known for sharing a soul with come to your door dressed like a groom with a bouquet of flowers in his hand was a bit much, but this was a competition! And Eiji never backed down from a challenge against Oishi, even at the cost of his sweet reputation, which he could always gain back later. He was just that good.

"I'll never lose to you, Oishi, so you'd better do your worst so I can beat you twice over! Promise?" Eiji lifted his hand.

It took a moment, but Oishi's hand was up, and the two of them shared a high-five as they always did. The competitive spark was reignited in Oishi's eyes and the game was truly on now, no holds barred. He would have Eiji floored with his manly prowess, though Eiji begged to differ. Rivalry was a beautiful thing.

\-----

The train ride to Atobe's lodge seemed to take forever. There was only so much amusement twiddling one's thumbs could bring. Eiji bet he could have gained a few points in manliness if he remembered to bring his game boy, but getting every last hint of frizz out of his hair was more important at the time. Of course, Oishi didn't need to know that. Fussing over one's hair isn't the manliest thing in the world, and Oishi wasn't about to admit that he was just as bad, if not worse, which he was. Eiji knew. He watched Oishi style his hair in the morning before.

He missed Oishi's hair when it was springy. Why'd he have to go and get gum in it that one time? 

Anyway, the flats that surrounded Atobe's lodge were approaching. The ride would be five more minutes at most, and then Eiji and Oishi would spend the evening together as pseudo dates. How were they going to explain this little arrangement without looking too weird? What happened if they shocked a whole lot of people? Would there be rumors? Not that there weren't already. It was an inevitable thing that came with being the greatest doubles pair of all time. Silly girls and their overactive imaginations.

Still, rumors spread like a disease, and Eiji had his reputation to think about. Again, not that he couldn't get it back later. A body as bendy as his swayed the opinions of many when he needed it to. There was only so much he could take on his plate all at once, though.

"You've sure been quiet this evening, Eiji," Oishi noted, a look of concern etched onto his face. "We don't--I mean... "

"If that's an attempt to back out, I win by default," said Eiji, meeting Oishi's eyes with a smirk. "And I know you don't want to slap Tezuka's butt in front of everyone at practice tomorrow morning."

"Eh!?" Oishi looked horrified. "Since when did we agree on this?"

"Since now, hehe." That was the first thing to pop into Eiji's mind, which was really weird, but hilarious. The look on Tezuka's face would be priceless. Fuji would have to bring a camera. Inoue-san would have to put it in his magazine. Oh, the tennis media would have a field day, and the amount of scouts that invaded their school would triple. Just more targets for Fujiko to play water tag with and, hehe, more for Ochibi to use as target practice in front of Ryuzaki-sensei's cute little granddaughter. Eiji wondered briefly if he'd be bringing her, but that was far less likely than Momo-chin and Fudomine-chan. Ochibi was still so mada mada dane when it came to love. 

"How about if you lose?"

Oh right! Eiji brought his thoughts back into focus and frowned a bit. For all of how hilarious it'd be, Eiji kind of didn't want Oishi to do that to Tezuka. After all, it'd just be too weird. Everyone'd know he had to have lost a bet, or something. Maybe drinking a pint of Inui's latest slop would have been safer, but whatever. A challenge was a challenge.

"I won't!" But Eiji decided to give it some thought anyway. What's something that'd really ruin him. "I'll, err, try on my sister's clothes, or something."

Weak. But Oishi seemed satisfied.

"And you'll go on another 'date' with me dressed like that?"

"I'll go to the winter ball with you dressed like that!"

Oh yeah.

It was on now.

Because there was no way in hell Eiji was doing that. Ever. Not on his life. No amount of awesome he exuded would help him recharge from that. He'd be completely ruined.

But a challenge was a challenge, and there was never any backing out.

\-----

Much to his delight, Eiji had been absolutely correct about Momoshiro and Tachibana's sister. Too bad Oishi didn't want to make that bet. His 'date' would be floored by Inui Juice, and Eiji would have won at their little game. After all, real men aren't lightweights and, well, someone needed to show a bit of faith in the poor guy. All Momo could do was blush and sputter and insist it wasn't a date, while Tachibana-chan just rolled her eyes and made him pour her a drink. She seemed to be the only one who noticed how Eiji and Oishi came in arms linked, and how Oishi had a few flower petals stuck in his over-gelled hair. 

As she picked the petals out of Oishi's hair, Eiji let his surroundings sink in. It put a bit of a rotten taste in his mouth when he and Oishi walked in arms linked, and nobody seemed avert their gazes toward them. It was like, hello, we're posing as dates! Nobody finds that weird? 

Of course, thanks to Momo-chin's adorable girlfriend, they came to realize that they weren't the only ones with the same ingenious idea, given the profound lack of female bodies in this lodge. They may as well have gone to a gay bar or something; Eiji suddenly felt uncomfortable, as this didn't seem so far off the mark. It felt just plain wrong even, as if they were in a dream. If this was his brain's idea of a good wet dream, he'd have to smash his head into a wall a few times after waking up. Even Atobe himself seemed to have little interest in the, oh, four girls that showed, when Eiji could easily imagine one on each arm while he flirted with another. He seemed to be flirting with Tezuka, though. Eww. 

Maybe Ochibi was onto something when he called Atobe's invitation a 'love letter.' Speaking of which, Ochibi was sitting in a secluded corner, sipping Ponta and ignoring everyone, probably waiting for the first opportunity to leave. Good idea.

In any case, this was bloody weird. It was a lodge full of boys. Some were at the indoor swimming pool, some were at the restaurant, some were on various stairwells, drinking sake out of fine china. Apparently Atobe made a limit of five glasses one could break before he filed a lawsuit. Wouldn't, you know, using paper cups just be easier? Then again, this was Atobe, who was doing a really terrible job of seducing Tezuka, by the way.

'Seducing' and 'Tezuka' did NOT belong in the same sentence. Ever. Eiji concluded. 

He flinched once a hand gave his shoulder a squeeze. All right, which bastard was he going to pummel into the floor fi- it was Oishi. Good. Eiji forgot he was there for a minute. He also forgot that Tachibana's sister was supposed to be there, too, but now she wasn't. Maybe she enjoyed being surrounded by the gayhem. Girls were so weird.

"So, what would you like to do first, Eiji?" Oishi looked at the pool house longingly, seeming to not quite notice the two or three pairs making out here and there, and the profound lack of girls. He wondered briefly if you could just play tennis. Of course, this was a party-party, not tennis, and also not quite as lady strewn as he would have expected. Maybe that's why he didn't hear the voice of Sengoku Kiyosumi anywhere. Or maybe the Yamabuki team wasn't invited. That wouldn't explain why little Dan Taichi was now sitting next to Echizen, yammering in that giddy fashion he often did, though. 

"What are they doing?" said Eiji with an inquisitive frown. He noted a feverish squeal from Akutagawa Jiroh-kun as he pounced himself on top of Marui Bunta and kissed him. Now, Eiji may have heard somewhere that Jiroh was a bit of Marui fanatic, but to go that far? I mean, wow. But no one seemed disturbed, or even surprised by this, which, in and of itself, disturbed Eiji. How come he'd never noticed how blatantly gay everyone he'd ever played tennis with was? He hoped that they were all just really drunk, bored, desperate, or anything that remotely made sense. Eiji hated being on the outside like this.

"Isn't it obvious, genius?" asked a voice that made Eiji's skin crawl. And seriously, to whisper it into his ear like that, it was like Mukahi wanted Eiji to haul off and punch him on the spot. Still, he wanted to keep his cool, or else Oishi'd find some way to use it against him, the bastard. 

Oh, right, he and Oishi were still pretending to be dates. Keyword, pretending. Unlike some people. 

"Maybe if I went to more parties where... " And then Marui kissed Kirihara sweetly, and Rikkai's junior ace had a wad of green gum between his grinning teeth once they were done. Through the vacant space Marui once occupied, Eiji noticed a bottle, and then it hit him. Oh fuck. 

And there wasn't a single girl there. Color Eiji surprised.

"Damn, Kikumaru. Ain't you ever played Spin the Bottle before? Or are you too much of a crap kisser?"

"What?!"

Okay, fine. So Eiji wasn't the world's, err, gayest boy, nor was he dressed half as nicely as Oishi, but no. Hell no. There was just... this was not the night to be playing this shit. Mukahi was an ass and a jerk, and Eiji would show him what's what! Crap kisser indeed. He'd suck the face of every stupid boy in this room just to show his superiority, if that's what it took!

"Come on, Oishi! We're playing!"

"Eh? Eiji."

"Let's go!"

\-----

It was kind of disturbing, hanging in a circle of about ten boys and watching them, err, kiss. None of them seemed slightly disturbed by it. Then again, most of them were from Hyotei, and those boys always made Eiji wonder. Especially Mukahi. Really, who in their right mind dyed their hair that awful color? Tatsuki had better taste in hair color than that, and his sister was nuts.

Of course, it was really hard to think of his sister, or what an ass Mukahi was when right next to him, his date was caught in an awkward lip lock with Hyotei's Shishido Ryou-kun. Eiji hazarded a look at Ohtori, who looked about ready to pounce, and he really wished he hadn't seen that. Ohtori and Shishido, huh? Actually, that one didn't surprise him in the least. Such was the fate of doubles masters.

"Ugh, what the hell? You told me this was important," Shishido grumbled to Niou, once he tore away from Oishi and took his seat back. "Remind me never to listen to you again."

Deciding that watching Oishi lean over and kiss Mukahi would result in a few dead bodies, Eiji decided to tune into the conversation between Niou and Shishido adjacent to him.

"What makes you think this isn't important?" challenged Niou, smirking as if he were the one who started this whole thing. Given his reputation, he just might have. That relieved Eiji, in a way. After all, a true trickster could pull off anything. Getting a few boys to make out? It's as easy as making fun of Kaidoh. Speaking of which, did that guy even bother to show up? This didn't exactly strike Eiji as Kaidoh's kind of scene. Maybe if Inui talked him into it...

"-this is a stupid waste of time. We could be playing tennis or something-"

Eiji agreed. And what do you know, the bottle landed on Jiroh again. Maybe he in all his exuberance would bite off Mukahi's tongue by mistake. One could always dream.

"We do that all the time, though," responded Niou to Shishido's tennis suggestion. "Even Sanada-fukubuchou's kicking back in the karaoke room, and that guy's got a stick up his ass the size of Tokyo Tower. But don't tell him I said that."

"O-oi, the bottle's pointing toward you." Shishido turned his head away, looking like he'd rather be frying in Hell than sitting there. Eiji sort of understood why Oishi saw such a good friend in this guy. He was actually kind of cool, in a bitching-like-a-girl-when-his-team-didn't-cheer-for-him sort of way.

Niou got himself an arm full of Jiroh, who wasted no time in diving in for a kiss. The Trickster didn't seem to mind, but Mukahi still had his tongue intact, much to Eiji's dismay. Maybe he and Oishi ought to crawl out and find something less weird to do. He was finding things out about his rivals that he rather wouldn't have liked to know. Maybe getting drunk would make this all better.

Especially now that Niou spun the bottle and it landed on Ohtori. Oh, if looks could kill, Shishido's eyes would have torn Niou to shreds. Eiji chose to forget that he ever thought Shishido was 'cool.' He was just plain creepy.

And as if things couldn't possibly get any worse, the bottle Ohtori spun had landed on Eiji, and those predatory eyes were suddenly burning holes into him. Oh for the love of- why play this game, then? Whiner. Oishi needed to learn to choose better friends, because Shishido was officially a loser in Eiji's book. 

Okay, so now back to the real situation at hand. Ohtori's warm eyes and trembling breath were now inches from his face. Granted, it could be much, much, much worse than Ohtori (basically, any other boy, save for Oishi, who was his 'date' anyway) but the fact that Shishido was glaring Scud Serves into his skull wasn't exactly reassuring. Loser.

Ohtori said nothing. His eyes were apologetic, he was very nervous, and his overall demeanor screamed, "I don't want to do this." So Eiji first decided to make it brief, planting a peck on the younger boy's lips, which were surprisingly soft. A dark, malicious part of him was laughing at Shishido's chagrin; hey, may as well find the humor in this weird situation. And besides, he got a shot at Oishi, so Eiji was just evening out the score. He brought his hands up to cup Ohtori's cheeks to deepen the kiss. He could hear a batch of howling, even the blurb of Mukahi he caught from the corner of his eye looked ready to shit himself. Crap kisser indeed. He would engrave this moment into the little bastard's mind.

"ENOUGH!" Shishido grabbed a handful for Ohtori's shirt, yanking him backward with the word 'KILL' etched all over his face. Not that he could blame him, as Ohtori-kun was so cute and, damn it all, Eiji was losing his mind. He did not just think that. Nope. In fact, he was done playing now. He needed a moment to clear his head.

No one, not even Mukahi, seemed to argue with Eiji and Oishi's departure. After all, when Shishido looked like a bull that's just seen red, no one wanted to be around when he charged, hence the reason the rest of the group dispersed soon after. Besides, everyone sucked at kissing anyway.

\----- 

Given that this was an Atobe house, it wasn't hard to find a secluded area, which Eiji so desperately needed. He was said to be impulsive, as well as intuitive, and Eiji must have foreseen this evening, to just ask Oishi to accompany him like this. As dates. Pseudo-dates, whoops. Pssh, not that there was much of a difference.

Where the hell was Fuji hiding, thought Eiji out of the blue. Somehow, Fuji knew this was going to happen, and just dared everyone to bring a date. Momo appeared to be the only sane one, bringing Tachibana-chan along. But perhaps, maybe, she came to protect him from the influence? Fat chance. She seemed all too amused by it, as if she were used to it. Maybe her brother and one of the other Fudomine boys. Kamio-kun? Oh God.

Since when did Kikumaru Eiji contemplate these sorts of things? He wasn't a girl. He didn't think about which boys were molesting who because that was a freaking GIRL thing. Rika read Passion and FAKE religiously, piquing Eiji's interest once. ONCE. When he didn't even know what they were, and damn his curious nature. Eww, yeah, he really should have listened to Yasuo about those, being that he was the most practical and sane of all his siblings. 

Still, Eiji had a guilty pleasure for a great many of his sister's manga, even if those two weren't to his taste. Really. He refused to read them.

But why was he thinking about them?

God, how he hated everyone and everything within a conceivable distance of him at the moment. Especially Fuji. It was all his fault. Eiji would find some way to get back at him. Maybe he'd shave the tensai's head in his sleep. Yeah, and then maybe Fuji's eyes would shoot lasers through him and put him out of his misery. That didn't sound like such a bad idea, actually.

Okay, the objective at the moment was to recharge, not contemplating how he and Fuji were going to kill each other sometime after this night from hell ceased. Concentrate. Concentrate. Ichi, ni, san...

"There you are," said Oishi, flinging open the balcony door, out of breath as if he'd just jogged around the world to find Eiji. And who knows. Maybe he did. It was a notion far less strange than anything else that happened this evening. The puffs of cold air suddenly reminded Eiji that it was supposed to be cold out and, apparently, was supposed to be holiday shopping once upon a time. Tch, that seemed so trivial now. It seemed everyone wanted to come out of the closet for the holidays. Not Eiji, though. His closet was warm, vacant, and full of manga that didn't contain homosexual material. Yes, he would stay in his closet, because there was nothing for him outside of it. Nope. Nada.

Shit, what was he supposed to be doing again? Recharging. Tch, bump that. The damage was already done. He was scarred for life. He was!

He was sure he was going to wake up from this awful dream any moment now and call off this whole damned thing. Screw Fuji and Tezuka. And not in that way!

Damn it.

"We can leave if you'd like," Oishi offered, clasping Eiji's shoulder with his palm. "I, well, wasn't expecting any of this to happen, either. I spoke to a few other people, and apparently it all kind of started with Atobe and Tezuka, and seemed to spread from there. Heh, Hyotei is a bit strange, don't you think?"

"Make that very strange," Eiji murmured. "Remind me to apologize to Ohtori-kun someday. He seems like the only sane person who attends that school."

"Shishido's not so bad." It even sounded forced to Oishi's ears. Eiji didn't even have to turn around to be able to tell.

"Who the hell are you trying to kid?"

For some reason, that was funny. Crisp puffs of air seemed to explode everywhere in their shared bout of laughter. Really, this night couldn't make any less sense if it tried to. The pair of them had beyond lost their marbles at this point. And really, if it was suddenly safe to be dates, why weren't they taking advantage of that? 

Eiji compromised, from this point on, it wasn't him coming out of the closet. It was him inviting Oishi in. It was cold out there, in a world full of Hyotei boys with bull horns. Horny Hyotei boys, if you will. Eiji wanted to pat himself on the back for thinking of a pun he didn't deserve to be kicked for. 

"Na, Oishi. You do know I'm not letting you go anywhere near Tezuka's butt, right?"

"Wha-?!" It took a moment, but an 'oh yeah' kind of light clicked inside of Oishi. He seemed to have forgotten all about that little wager, more in favor of hoping Eiji didn't recharge himself to death after the little Spin the Bottle incident. 

"I guess you'd rather raid Rika-san's closet?"

"Screw you."

The hand on Eiji's shoulder soon became a tight embrace encircling his shoulders. If Oishi always made his closet this warm, he could definitely stay. Screw Hikaru, and any weird things he might think. Seriously, his brother was the biggest freak of nature ever. Maybe that's why Eiji was so immune to Fuji, when no one else seemed to be.

How he was going to tell his family about this night, because they were going to ask, was well beyond him. Now, what would be weirder, Spin the Bottle, or Oishi?

The former. Definitely the former. Oishi would be coming home with him tonight, if only to shut everyone up sooner than later. 

Still, easier said than done. He needed awhile to get used to the idea.

"Oishi."

"Hmm?"

"I really resent the fact that bull horns back there got to kiss you before I did."

Before Oishi could make a peep, Eiji tilted his head upward, catching his partner's lips far too quickly and clicking teeth together. Well, that sucked, but at least it was one challenge Eiji was still willing to participate in. He would indulge in this... this... whatever it was, and Oishi was going to like it, not that he protested. He couldn't think of anything sweeter he could have gotten from this night. 

\-----

It's been exactly one week since Eiji returned from his alleged 'date', and Hikaru was still trying to wrap his brain around the concept. Eiji. Oishi. Hands. Date. Kiss. Huh?

He rubbed the bump on his head where Tatsuki had struck him. Bitch. She really couldn't accept the fact that it was just plain weird, and it was. Eiji liked girls. He talked about cute girls when they shared a room together. Well, okay, no he didn't. Not really. More like he 'secretly' raided Hikaru's small porn stash out of curiosity, which Hikaru accepted as perfectly normal little brother behavior, even if he'd strike Eiji in the head with a magazine when he found out, which was a perfectly acceptable reaction, if he did say so himself.

Hikaru liked it when things made sense, and he liked being right. He hadn't anticipated that Eiji and Oishi were an actual item. For all of how weird it was, and damn had that taken him by surprise, he didn't really mind. Oishi was already part of the family, so the beef with literally making him a brother-in-law? There was none. Except he and Eiji couldn't get married, so that wouldn't literally happen, per se, but it was the thought that counted. And really, there were enough girls in this family. Ooooh, how Hikaru couldn't stand girls. Always so difficult, greedy, demanding, and... he really missed this one girl he liked, hoping somewhere in the nether regions of his mind that Eiji would find the perfect girl where he had failed to.

Well, it was sort of a success. Perfect girl? Perfect guy? Same difference really. Only not, because assholes on the outside would make it difficult. He had no doubt in mind that the pair were given a hard time at that party they went to for their preference. Every time he tried to talk to Eiji about it, though, his brother shut him out. Damn it. Now that it was his room and his room alone, he had the right to do that.

Wait, no he didn't. He was younger. Oh, that little shit was going to get it.

"I'm leaving!" said Eiji, dressed in his best suit. Another party? Oh right, a school thing. That would be even worse. Hikaru decided he would have to tail his brother this time, seeing as all of his siblings already knew about his... preferences.

Oh yeah, the night of that party, it hadn't taken rocket science to figure out what approaching the doorstep hand-in-hand meant, which was significantly more intimate than arm-in-arm. Rika giggled, Tatsuki punched him, Yasuo suggested they leave the new couple alone, to which nobody agreed, despite the fact that he was right. Eiji kind of lashed out at everyone and dragged Oishi into his room, slamming the door behind them, not to emerge until sometime well after breakfast the following morning. The entire Kikumaru family contemplated which male of the family would end up giving Eiji The Talk, realizing that none of them ever really have, seeing as Eiji preferred to educate himself with pornography while no one was watching.

They came to the conclusion that Eiji was better off on his own, especially after the Glare from Hell everyone within a few inches of him received that day.

So it quickly became something the family chose not to discuss, but Hikaru still had some things he wanted to know, hence the reason he'd be tailing his brother this evening.

"And where do you think you're going?" said Tatsuki, freezing him in place. He really resented being the second youngest in the family, especially when Eiji wasn't around. He was bossed around just as easily. 

"Nowhere," Hikaru lied, and proceeded to exit the household as if he were no the wiser of her impending presence. She clicked her tongue a few times and grabbed for her coat.

"Not without me you're not."

\-----

Eiji couldn't seem to shake the feeling that he was being followed throughout the whole night.

[ E N D ]


End file.
